


Doctor Sugden

by hopeiskindledx



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-03
Updated: 2017-08-05
Packaged: 2018-12-10 18:48:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11697711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hopeiskindledx/pseuds/hopeiskindledx
Summary: Aaron isn't sure whether he wants to die - but he sure as hell doesn't want to live. But when his gorgeous Doctor Sugden wants to understand what's making him depressed, will Aaron push him away or will he finally get the help he deserves?This is a canon divergence based on Aaron still living with Gordon in his late teens, but struggling with his father's abuse.





	1. Hospital

Aaron slowly blinked back the darkness, waking up to a hard bed and a pale ceiling. He could hear steady beeping behind him and murmuring from across the room. As his eyes glazed into focus and he begun to take in his surroundings, it became clear to him that he was in hospital. Aaron scowled as he saw his bandaged up arm and groaned due to the throbbing pain.

“Good morning sir”, said a nurse, suddenly appearing at Aaron’s bed. “How are you feeling?”

“Um … Okay, I guess. How did I get here?”

“Paramedics picked you up near Hotten I was told”, the nurse answered. “Do you remember what happened to your arm though? It sustained enough blood loss that you were unconscious for quite some time.”

Aaron looked down. The nurse looked friendly enough, but he didn’t want to share. He didn’t want to be referred to some shrink or be locked away. He just wanted to be left alone. “Erm, yeah, y’know, I was just walking in Hotten and I tripped … think I landed on some glass or something."

The nurse gave him a quiet smile that made Aaron think she wasn’t completely convinced. “Okay, well you should be out of here by the afternoon, is there anyone we can contact to come and pick you up?”

“No!” Aaron sat up quickly, alarmed at that prospect. The nurse looked startled and so he hurriedly continued. “Sorry, my dad will be at work, so I can just get the bus home.”

This didn’t particularly reassure Aaron’s nurse. “Okay, well, your Doctor will be around shortly to see how you’re doing.”

“Cheers.”

Aaron sighed as his nurse continued onto the next patient, sitting up on his bed properly and considering what to do next. His father would surely be annoyed that Aaron hadn’t come home the previous night, and he didn’t particularly want to deal with the consequences of that. He ran his fingers through his hair, noticing the growing sweat amidst yesterday’s panic. Had it been a suicide attempt? He wasn’t even sure. 

“Excuse me, sorry to disturb you Mr Livesy.”

Aaron zoomed back into focus and looked up slowly, the sight of blue scrubs and blonde hair greeting him.

“Hello … I’m Mr Sugden, your Doctor.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! So this was just a short lil into chapter to see if there's any interest out there! After hovering around reading Robron fanfics for around 6 months now, I've decided it's the time to try and do a spot of writing! Apologies that my fiction writing isn't up to much, I'm far more used to writing essays aha ;)   
> Any comments or kudos would be really appreciated, or come say hi on twitter @hopeiskindledx
> 
> Thank you!!!


	2. Anger, guilt, hopelessness, self-hatred

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron meets his Doctor who tries to help Aaron's mental health.

“Hello … I’m Mr Sugden, your Doctor.”

Aaron blinked rapidly, trying to regain an ounce of composure. He was suddenly hyper-aware of himself, of his beating heart, his sweaty hair and his vile hospital gown.

Aaron cleared his throat. “H-Hi”, he stuttered, feeling proud of himself for finally scraping some form of sound out.

Dr Sugden made a little bemused smile. “Aaron, it’s nice to see you finally awake. Your nurse has informed me that you fell on some glass?”

Aaron gave a little nod, looking down once more.

Dr Sugden sighed. “See, Aaron, I’ve been looking through some of your notes and it appears you’ve been in here quite a lot from cuts on your arms and torso.” He looked towards Aaron, who grimaced.

“Sorry mate, but it’s not really any of your business if I’m falling over or having work-related accidents.”

“Aaron.” The Doctor came closer to the bed, making Aaron uncomfortable with his eyes boring into his soul. “The hospital is just trying to look out for you. Maybe you’re just clumsy … or maybe there’s something else going on here.”

There were a few moments of silence between them. Aaron’s heart machine beeping behind him appeared to get louder and louder.

“Nah mate, I’m good.”

Dr Sugden took a step back, his eyes full of something – Aaron wasn’t sure of what – sorrow? disappointment? concern?

“Okay … well if anything at all changes, maybe you’d like some leaflets?”

Aaron scoffed, turning his head to the side and away from his Doctor as a bunch of leaflets were placed on his bedside table.

“I hope you feel better soon, Aaron.” Dr Sugden gave a smile before turning and leaving the ward. Aaron watched each step he made, watching the sway of his arms, the bounce of his hair and the movement of his hips. The blue scrubs did wonders for the man, his muscles protruding from the bottom of the short-sleeves and the colour making his goden skin glisten in the hospital-light. As he disappeared from sight, the young man looked at the leaflets in front of him.

_‘Understanding Mental Health’_

_‘Self-Harm: Getting Help’_

_‘Clinical Depression’_

_‘Mood Self-Assessment: Stress, Anxiety and Depression’_

_‘Self-harm’_

Aaron’s hands began shaking as he flicked between the leaflets. Who was this Doctor to label him? He didn’t know anything about him! Who was he to make sweeping judgements on his life? He knew nothing!

Aaron tried to calm down his breathing, looking up to the hospital ceiling to avoid distractions, taking big, deep breaths. Once he felt calmer, he opened up the one about self-harm and found a paragraph that stood out.

_‘Why people self-harm:_

_‘Social problems: such as having difficult relationships with friends and family, coming to terms with their sexuality if they think they might be gay or bisexual, or coping with cultural expectations._

_‘Trauma: such as physical or sexual abuse or the death of a close family member or friend.’_

Aaron felt sweat flood his forehead.

_‘These issues can lead to a build-up of intense feelings of anger, guilt, hopelessness and self-hatred. The person may not know who to turn to for help and self-harming may become a way to release these pent-up feelings.’_

Aaron quickly shut the leaflet and pushed it to the end of his table, letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. The words still flooded his head though – _anger, guilt, hopelessness, self-hatred_ – and again – _anger, guilt, hopelessness, self-hatred_. Aaron scrunched up his eyes, pressing his palm into his head and trying to focus on anything else. He thought of the soft-feel of dogs, the crunch of toast and the wind going through his hair on a long run.

He opened his eyes once more.

It made sense – what the leaflets were saying – Aaron knew that much. But he couldn’t ask for help. How could he, when he couldn’t even leave his home without his father asking a million questions and grilling him senselessly about _where_ he was going and _when_ he’d be back and _who_ he’d be with and –

Aaron sighed.

Getting help was just not an option right now.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Thank you so much my lovelies for the wonderful reaction on my last chapter, especially for all of the kudos and encouraging comments.
> 
> If anyone is in need of any help, all of the NHS leaflets mentioned in this chapter are real NHS pages. The one on self-harm which was quoted in this chapter can be accessed here: http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/self-injury/Pages/Introduction.aspx  
> Thank you!! xxx


	3. The Bus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A familiar face at the bus stop

After hiding the leaflets his Doctor had given him at the bottom of his bag, Aaron packed the rest of his stuff together and prepared to leave. He had already been officially discharged with instructions on care for the wound and after a few concerned glances to him and between themselves, the nurses on the ward had seen him out. Stepping out of the hospital, Aaron took in a deep breath of fresh air. Hospitals were stuffy, full of old-people with Alzheimer’s and issues and Aaron just didn’t want to deal with anyone else’s problems any longer. He looked to his watch: 6:26pm. Aaron sighed. His father was going to kill him.

As he walked to the nearest bus stop, he noticed a familiar mess of blonde hair. Dr Sugden.

“Alright?” Aaron muttered as he sat down next to his Doctor, who seemed to look pleasantly surprised to see the younger man.

“Aaron,” Dr Sugden started. “Are you feeling any better?”

Aaron thought long and hard about this question. The throbbing in his arm had dulled to an ache, but yet his heart felt heavier – he was dreading going home. This, added to the comfortably numb sensation he felt on most days made the truth more complicated.

Aaron stuck to a neutral response. “I guess.” He pulled his jumper sleeves over his hands and crossed his arms across his body. “I would’ve thought a rich Doctor like you would’ve had a flashy car or something, not be waiting at a bus stop.”

Dr Sugden titled back his head and let out a laugh. The sound was music to Aaron’s ears and he smiled slightly upon hearing it. “Pay’s not that great,” he started, looking at Aaron through the corner of his eye. “Plus, I had to sell my car to buy a nice flat, it’s not too far and the bus goes straight there.”

Aaron nodded. A comfortable silence settled between the two men.

“Do you live far away?” Dr Sugden asked.

“Erm, just in the centre of Hotten,” Aaron answered. “Just live in a little flat, with my dad.”

“What’s that like? I’ve just moved out from living with my sister, it’s certainly nice to gain a bit of freedom. It can be stifling, just living with one relative.”

Aaron kept his eyes firmly on the sleeves of his jumper. “Yeah … stifling … that’s one word for it.”

Dr Sugden nodded, sensing a slight reluctance in the younger man to share anymore. He watched Aaron fidgeting with his jumper sleeves, a growing urge forming deep inside him to reach out and touch the younger man – to reassure him, to calm him. He quickly shook the feeling off.

“Did you have a look at any of those leaflets?”

“No. Look Dr Sugden –“

“Call me Robert.”

“Robert. I don’t need your help or anybody else’s help, okay? I’m fine.”

“Okay.”

From the corner of his eye, Aaron could see Robert’s eyes focused on his. He felt scrutinised and overwhelmed.

Aaron glanced up to see the number 51 bus approaching. He cleared his throat before standing. “My bus is here,” he said to Robert, nodding towards the upcoming vehicle.

Robert stood too. “That’s my ride,” he smiled.

Aaron got on the bus as quickly as possible, heading straight upstairs and to the back. He tried to catch his breath to recover from the fact that his gorgeous Doctor was following him down the aisle. Aaron sat down quickly, angling his body towards the window and concentrated on staring outside.

Robert debated internally whether or not to sit down next to the younger man, or to go in front or behind. Seeing Aaron gaze out of the window seemingly uninterested, Robert made up his mind, occupying the seat next to him. He soon regretted this though upon feeling Aaron tense up slightly beside him as their arms brushed together.

“Sorry.”

Aaron grumbled in response. But he knew that for now at least, he was safe.

The bus ride was silent between the two men, Aaron’s eyes focused on the road outside and Robert played around with his phone. Aaron’s bus stop soon approached though and he cleared his throat and made a move to get up, needing Robert to move out of his way first.

“Sorry.”

“That’s okay. Maybe I’ll see you around Aaron?”

“Yeah.”

Robert glanced out of the window as Aaron got off the bus. They were in the dodgy-end of Hotten, where there were often reports of fires and assault in the council estates. The nearest flat looked like it was about to fall apart – the white walls were flaking all over, the ivy spread over it was dead and the whole building just gave Robert a sense of foreshadowing and dislocation. He quickly looked away, trying to get one last look at Aaron Livesy.

 

*                             *                             *                             *                             *                             *                             *            

 

Aaron opened his flat’s door as quietly as he could, stepping in to the hallway and closing it again. However, he was not nearly as discreet as he needed to be.

“Aaron. Where the fuck have you been?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading another chapter! Things should start hotting up now!
> 
> Thank you as always for your kudos, and shout out to Leah for giving me such lovely comments and encouragement!


End file.
